


The Day The World Loved Steve Rogers

by winterwatercolour



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Jealousy, M/M, Short, bucky cries a bit, bucky's a lil emotional, buckys in love and it hurts, howling commando time period, steve is a lil angry, tw:alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:09:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterwatercolour/pseuds/winterwatercolour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has loved Steve Rogers all his life, even when everyone around him didn't see why. Suddenly, everyone starts to see what he'd always seen in Steve and he feels himself losing his Steve slowly. Bucky is so in love with this boy and it fucking hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day The World Loved Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is a little short! Just wanted to share and I'm sorry for any errors, English isn't my first language! Thanks so much for reading!

  
The world finally saw what Bucky had seen in Steve all these years. The world had started to love Steve the way Bucky loved him.

There was no doubt that Bucky was so proud of him as if Steve was something he worked his ass off, and in a way Steve kind of was. Bucky had worked his fingers to the bone working to get enough money to pay for their rent and Steve's medical bills, he had yanked him away from street fights and stayed with him when Steve was on his deathbed. He was so proud of him and he just found it so hard to let him go.

As happy as he was for Steve, it still pained Bucky's heart. He had always wanted Steve to be successful but the problem was, in order to do that Steve had to break free from him and left Bucky all alone. The sad truth was Bucky knew that this day would come, the day people would finally see what he saw in him, and Steve would forget about him. He knew that there would be a day where he would bury his broken heart and smile for him, be happy, because that's all he can really do, _for his best pal._

~~_But Bucky loved him first._ ~~

So he grieves with glasses of alcohol, willing the liquid to make him forget, forget about this pain and heartbreak, forget about Steve. Anything to keep him numb. The yellow and orange light blinded him. He hated those stupid lights. They made everything seem darker. He didn't even notice Steve plop himself on the chair next to him, not even believing he was there, because he never was anymore. Steve placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder, telling Bucky he really was there.

"Hey Buck, can we talk?"

"I didn't know you could still do that Steve," Bucky said clearly, sounding harsher than he intended to, but he couldn't do anything about it now.

Steve looked genuinely taken aback for a second but he retaliated, looking angry but mostly confused, "I don't get it, James, what's wrong with you nowadays? You're not yourself anymore, you're really quiet and reserved! Are you avoiding me? And for what purpose?"

Bucky huffed, avoiding eye contact with him because doing so would probably make him want to make Bucky give in, "Avoiding you? I'm not the one avoiding you Steve."

"What?! I don't understand you-"

"You're the one avoiding me-"

"No I'm not! I'm just busy!"

"Busy my ass, you have all the time in the world for people who aren't me,"

"Bucky shut up! You have no idea what you're talking about! You're not yourself!"

"You don't even know me, Steve, not anymore at least! You don't give a single shit about me!"

Steve opened his mouth slightly, as if appalled and shocked with what he just said, "What _the fuck_ are you talking about, Bucky?! We're best friends, not strangers! What's going on with you?!"

"I didn't even think we are that anymore!" Bucky shot back angrily, tears welling up his eyes which he forced back because he couldn't just start crying. He hated himself for starting to shake and starting to breathing heavily, he was just so weak, he didn't even understand why he was with the Commandos anyway.

Steve froze slightly, obviously sensing that Bucky was panicking again, but his pride slightly higher than his compassion so he opted for, "Bucky, look at me." His voice wasn't harsh or mad like he was previously, but not soft and comforting either.

Bucky took a deep breath and turned to face Steve, and boy he wanted to cry. Steve was so big and strong, his gaze firm and secure. Steve didn't need Bucky anymore. And it made Bucky nearly wail. Steve could just get up at this moment and leave him alone for eternity, thrive with his girls and his admirers and fame while Bucky would rot away with loneliness. Bucky needed Steve but he was obviously too big a burden.

"Do you not remember when you waited for me for school every day on the brick wall? Do you not remember getting ice cream and milk shakes after school? Do you not remember when we celebrated all those Christmases in our shitty little apartment but still enjoyed it anyway? Do you remember that time where you nearly killed yourself by waking up at stupid o'clock in the freezing cold to build me a snowman? Do you remember those conversations we had about the world and the future at some unearthly hour as we looked at the stars and I drew whatever there was to draw and you sang whatever there was to sing?" Steve asked firmly, his voice taking a softer tone from remembering these sweet memories.

"Do you not remember these Bucky? Do these not tell you that I do know you and I do give a shit about you? Why don't you remember?" Steve asked, a little harsh with his tone this time, but sounding hurt.

"I remember," Bucky mumbled, his lip starting to wobble as he nearly started to cry. He bit his lip hard until he could taste the blood, stopping himself from sobbing all over the table.

"Then why don't you think about these, Bucky?" Steve asked, his tone getting harsher each time, which scared Bucky. He knew Steve didn't mean it, but the voice was getting so frighteningly familiar with the soldiers at the hydra base and it made Bucky feel so cold and shaky, keeping him frozen in place. So many things were making him sad all at once that he knew that the tears were going to come eventually.

_"I didn't think they mattered to you,"_ Bucky sobbed, the tears forcing their way out of his eyes. His voice cracked, then his body was involuntarily taken by sobs and gasps, and he hated himself so much for being so weak.

"Oh shit, Bucky," Steve said quickly and worriedly, bringing his chair closer to Bucky and rested his hand on his knee. Bucky refused to show Steve his tears, face buried in his hand. Bucky made horrible sounds of pain and misery as he sobbed, obviously trying to stop crying but failing all together.

"Oh Buck, im sorry--please don't cry.." Steve tried desperately, obviously not knowing what to do. Bucky didn't blame him, Bucky rarely cried, save the time his parents died and maybe once or twice outside those events, so Steve was obviously unprepared. He didn't even know why he was crying himself and didn't understand why he was so emotional nowadays.

"..I-I'm so sorry..shit I'm such a mess, I'll stop I'll stop I'm sorry" Bucky slurred out, sniffling and wiping his nose with the back of his hand, none of his words making any sense. He sat there helplessly sobbing, unable to stop.

"Awh Buck," Steve sighed, quitting his act and pulled Bucky close, bringing his head to his chest, letting him cry. Bucky embraced the warmth and the reassurance he was starved of the past few weeks, and enjoyed every second of it despite the fact that he was crying and sniffling all over Steve's shirt. Bucky realised this was the first time he'd cried since Steve's transformation, and it was his first time crying into a non skinny Steve. It felt good to be small.

The strength and the firmness of Steve felt so nice against Bucky's body and that even made Bucky cry more, for some apparent reason. Steve made cooing noises and stroked the back of Bucky's hair which was getting slightly long that it began to curl in little waves in the ends.

Steve frowned as Bucky wouldn't calm down, and opted for whispering gently, "..Bucky you're more than what they told you you were..Bucky you're not less important to me..ill never get sick of you..I won't forget you..I'm not avoiding you..you are still my best friend..and _I still need you."_

Bucky practically wailed at the last sentence, and held Steve tighter than he already was and wailed incoherent things at Steve, needing to hear those words from Steve, needing validation. Steve shushed him gently, kissing the top of his hair, "I won't ever stop needing you by my side, what was it you said to me before?" Steve prompted.

"T-til' the end of the line.." Bucky mumbled sleepily, still crying but not wailing as loudly as he was previously. Steve nodded, "and I'm with you, as long as you're with me. Okay, Buck?"

Bucky nodded, letting the tears flow out for now. He let out the bottled feelings that had been building inside of him for so long, let out his jealousy and his heartbreak and his loss, and Bucky realised he was going to die. He was going to die in this war; wether he was actually physically going to die or lose himself along the way, it was all inevitable. Maybe even both. Bucky was either going to die for Steve or live for Steve and dying seemed so much easier than it was to live without him. And it was going to hurt, real bad. He couldn't tell Steve that, so he just let himself cry.


End file.
